Five Million Dollar Book

We've seen the meteoric rise of ChatGPT. The robots have arrived.

Will chatbots replace copywriters? Not completely.

I asked ChatGPT if it would dominate human intelligence. It said, “artificial intelligence is not capable of creative thinking or independent problem-solving the way humans are.”

See? We still got it! [Hu-mans! Hu-mans! Hu-mans!]

I'm issuing a challenge. Me vs. your best bot.

I am John Henry – taking on the job-stealing train-track building steam engine.

I am Sarah Connor – defeating the lethal Schwarzenegger Terminators.

I'm a good writer with a human brain – creating ideas, copy and leading creative teams to victory.

And at $5MM, I'm much more affordable. Let’s do this!

These are my personal experiences and the things I've learned climbing the ranks of professional creativity. And it’s how I bring attention to the stuff you need to sell.

As the exclusive owner of this book, you'll see exactly why the robots can't win. They just won’t get it.

Beep boop,

TD

[Enjoy these chapter summaries, liquidate assets to buy the book, and dive in]

Chapter 1

Charlie Sheen Hit on My Girlfriend (Sorry, Charlie, I Married Her!)

How I learned to write from the best insult comics and sitcom-writing-staffers in Hollywood. Learn joke structure, story arcs, and quick-turn “come-up-with-it-now-or-you’re-fired” motivation!

Chapter 2

Discovered at Wendy’s – a Baconator and a New Career

How I wanted a house/backyard instead of raising kids in LA. A kind Executive Creative Director in the Midwest took a chance on a former screenwriter. He showed me the ropes in advertising. You’ll learn those same ropes. Copywriters, Art Directors, Creative Directors and free snacks!

Chapter 3

A Mechanical Bull Almost Killed Me in Mexico – 

Chasing the fear. It makes for a great story. Learn how I’ve applied painful situations to comedy and copywriting success. Your pain is funny to somebody. Cash in!

Chapter 4

Almost a Jeopardy! Champion.  (But Ken Jennings was waaaay better). 

Learn why having a variety of interests helps your ideas shine. From Philosophy to pre-med to Chiropractic school to mental health social work to a credit union to the Writers Guild.

Chapter 5

My Hero Told Me I Sounded Like a Douche

Principles of good copywriting don’t always come easy, but sometimes the lessons stick.

Chapter 6 

When Brainstorms Roll In

I thought I could run brainstorms like Pixar, finding ideas from anywhere and anyone. It didn’t work. Just the sound of crickets while people stared at one another. Learn how to get people who aren't creative to be creative. Learn when you should stop trying to get people who aren’t creative to be creative. Learn how really bad ideas can get you to a great idea.

Chapter 7

Welcoming Newbies

Mentoring new creatives. Sometimes their ideas are better than yours (kind of). You have to deal with that. Learn how to stifle your ego and train new teams to unlock what’s inside them. Train them to be them. Not a ghostwriter for you. 

Chapter 8

Facing the Firing Squad 

The first time you have to fire a friend is the day you truly become a manager. This sucks! But you’re the CD/Manager/Lead and it’s your job. Here’s what to remember in the process.

Chapter 9

Pitches and Stitches

There was that time I sang to a group of bankers about surgical removal of cat testicles in a pitch. They blushed. Then I got to create my favorite campaign of all time. Learn how to put your embarrassment to work.

Chapter 10

Insult Judo

Learn how I reversed the power of a common geographic insult. I changed it into a One Show recognized song. You can do the same!

Chapter 11

On Brevity

Chapter 12

Yeah, I'll Read That For You

I’ve done many voice overs for agencies and clients. If you’ve been mysteriously compelled to buy scratch-off games, meaty subs, cancer treatment, or a TV antenna, my voice may have persuaded you. Learn how to find the extra things you’re good at to become an indispensable triple, quadruple or quintuple threat, bringing extra value everywhere you go.

Chapter 13

Putting a Live Boa Constrictor on Your Boss

Be a star at the company meeting. Make people excited to work for your agency or company. You spend so much time there–it doesn’t have to suck. Learn my tricks for working a large crowd and for sending Staff-All emails that walk the line with HR to entertain your co-workers.

Chapter 14

The Category Story

What do state lotteries, fried fish, hospitals, sub sandwiches, gambling addiction prevention, auto dealerships, in-home health care, diner food, pets, tourism, baked beans, Fortune 500 financial services, vision correction surgery, square burgers, professional sports players, toilets, chicken wings, fancy shower systems, mops and cheese coneys have in common? Me. And you, once I teach you the ins and outs.

Chapter 15

Make Room on the Shelf

One of the perks of being a professional creative is getting trophies for doing your job. Clients have their agendas (“units sold” and whatever), but validation from, and domination of one’s peers is wildly satisfying. My ideas have won lots of advertising awards. I can pretend it doesn’t matter, but I’m a sucker for ‘em. Learn how to pretend you don’t give a shit about award shows.

Chapter 16

Teaching an Old Dog New Tiks

TikTok took my career full circle. From “entertainment with product placement” to traditional ads all the way back to entertaining product placement. Learn how data and trend-spotting make social platforms shine.

Chapter 17

Chase the Money? Danger!

If you ignore what you’re best at to feed your kids, you might also feed them your frustration. Yes, they get braces to fix crooked teeth, but they see your soul growing crooked. So if you’re a media person, be that. Love it. And if you’re a big-idea creative person, go be that instead. Find people who know how to sell your skill. Someone needs you!

Chapter 18

Truth and Connection

Changing tone a bit. Bear with me. 

In college I volunteered in hospice facilities in North Carolina and Texas. I thought I’d be a doctor someday. How does this matter to what I do now?

Suffering is the closest true connection for people.

Love can be misinterpreted or misused to con people. Humor is subjective. But the hushed awe in the face of another person’s suffering is really real. 

We are fundamentally broken. Disappointment, anger, ambition and failure. Loss of a kid, loss of parents, and even… loss of a job. We are connected in this human condition. It unites us even though we’re violently divided. Goodness is drawn out.

Why this rant? 

Vulnerability resonates. A writer’s emotional scars cut through and disarm.

We’ll all know it–even if we don’t know how we know it. 

The computers won’t get it. 
They don’t have it. 

Let’s call it “soul.”

Chapter 19

Final Next Chapter 

When you buy this book for $5 Million you will get an additional bonus. I will be your creative consultant for the rest of 2023. 

Let’s fight the robots and write this one together.